The adoption process can be a grueling one. From the insurmountable paperwork, to the sometimes staggering costs, to the long wait, it seems that the journey itself plays a tug-of-war with your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Then factor in the potential matches, state requirements for termination of parental rights, and the tedious wait until finalization. Let’s face it, the adoption process is hard and definitely not for the faint of heart. We have been through the adoption process twice now, and each one was different with new challenges to face. But through it all, God used the circumstances to teach me to trust him more.
In April of 2013 we were matched to adopt a little girl. I was there when she was born. She was perfect and so beautiful. Our state has a 10 day revocation period in which the biological parents can decide to parent and not place the baby for adoption. Those 10 days stretched out before me. It was so hard to wait for my little girl to come home after waiting over 12 years to be a mommy. On day seven, we received word that her parents had decided to reinstate parental rights and not follow through on the adoption plan. We were devastated. I sunk into a deep pit of depression.
During the three months between losing this little girl and adopting our first son, I could not mentally latch onto anything. It hurt too much to even think. One thing that I did do is cling to the single fact that is always true and never fails – God is good. Psalm 136:1 says, “Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever.”
Good. That is something that I always knew was an attribute of God, but it never really resonated with me until it was the single facet of truth to which I could cling in that dark part of our adoption journey. I’d seen God’s provision over the years and experienced His grace and mercy, but had never connected that to the fact that God is good. I had experienced pain and hurt, but never thought about God being good even in those situations. To make it even sweeter, God says of himself in Malachi 3:6, “I the Lord do not change; therefore you…are not consumed.” His goodness never changes. His love never wavers or fails. God is steadfastly able to keep me from falling.
The lesson that I learned during the darkest part of my life was a lesson that carried me through the next three years as we continued through different phases on our journey to grow our family through adoption. Three months after losing baby girl, God brought us our first son. After our first son’s adoption was finalized, we started the paperwork to bring home another child. It took two long, grueling years for us to meet our second son, but God did it. Yes, God is always good. I can rest in that fact. I can cling to it and not be moved. “I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber” (Psalm 121:1-4).