God and I haven’t always been close. In fact, I didn’t really care much about Him for a while. I went to church to please my parents, but I quit as soon as I moved out. If there was a God, I was angry at Him for allowing me to go through the trauma I faced as a child. So I did whatever I wanted, not really caring about the consequences for me or anyone else.
Once I was living on my own, it didn’t take long for me to wind up single and pregnant. Then, I was even angrier at God—if He was even there. But I didn’t think so. There is no way that a loving God would just leave me alone at 17 with a baby to care for.
As time went on, my pregnancy changed my body, but it changed my heart even more. I felt my baby girl start to move in my belly, and I was so full of love for her. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for her. I took a long, hard look at myself and my circumstances and came to the conclusion that making an adoption plan would be the best thing for my baby. I didn’t want to, but I had to do what was right for her. My heart ached, and I felt so alone.
It slowly dawned on me: I wasn’t alone at all. There was someone who loved me even more than I loved my unborn child. God hadn’t abandoned me. I wasn’t going through anything He hadn’t gone through Himself. God loves His children so much that He sent His only Begotten Son to suffer and die for our sins. He gave me His baby boy. He watched Jesus grow up being raised by another man. In a way, God is a birth father.
If God could give me His son to atone for my sins, I could give my daughter a better life. I know that God knows how I feel, and that has brought me so much closer to Him. When I ache for my baby girl, I cry out to my Father in Heaven, and He is there for me. He aches with me. He loves me. He carries me.
The sacrifice I made to give my baby a better life is insignificant compared to the sacrifice that my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ made for me. Jesus felt my pain, and the pain of every other person on this earth to give us the opportunity to come home to Him. When I do, I will embrace Him and thank Him for what He has done for me. My adoption journey has given me a deeper, richer understanding of the sacrifices that were made for me.
I was once so angry at God, not knowing what He had in store for me. All I knew was the pain I felt. I had no idea how grateful I would be for the experience that I once wasn’t sure I could handle. My life is blessed and happy, and I have my adoption journey to thank for that. It got me back on track with my life, and now I am living a life I am proud of.
God had a plan for me all along. Someone needed to get my birth daughter’s beautiful soul to this earth. Someone needed to make sure she ended up with the family she was meant for. So God called me and trusted me with her life. He made me strong enough to complete the task He had for me, and He has blessed my life so richly ever since. God is my Father and my friend. He knows exactly how I feel, and He will never leave me.
Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Not sure what to do next? First, know that you are not alone. Visit PregnancyHotline.org or call 1-800-GLADNEY and speak to one of our Options Counselors to get compassionate, nonjudgmental support. We are here to assist you in any way we can.
If you are unexpectedly pregnant, please consider adoption. Visit Adoption.com to view adoption profiles from hopeful adoptive parents. Visit Adoption.com/unplanned-pregnancy to find guidance with your unplanned pregnancy.